Louder Than Words
by Bialy
Summary: AU set after the end. "I expect you to listen to a call to arms," Near said simply. "I'm not a soldier!" she protested. He blinked. "No, Sayu. You are a Yagami." Matsuda/Sayu/Near.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note, don't own Sayu, Mello, Near etc. I own a box of Maltesers but they're mostly gone now.

Author's Note: Oh God where did this come from and where has it gone. I started writing something involving Near and Sayu after reading Star Jinin's Brutal Truth, but I love Mello so he had to get in there somewhere, and then I started disregarding canon but trying to pretend I wasn't and then it got to 2am and I didn't feel like sleeping and so now it's finished. God I don't even know what this is about, why am I posting it? Ah well. R&R if you notice anything resembling a coherent storyline. I'm tired. I should sleep more.

x

**Louder Than Words**

Several months after her kidnapping, Sayu learnt that the blond boy who had orchestrated everything was six months younger than her, and dead.

She had asked after him every time she saw her father, and after her father died, every time Matsuda would visit. Neither had been able to understand the apparent concern Sayu had for her kidnapper, and though she had tried to explain it, she had found that she didn't have the words herself.

She supposed that was because it sounded silly, when she put it into words. The reason she had asked after the boy - Mello, she was told his name was, and later, Mihael Keehl - was, incredibly, that she had liked him. It had been little more than a random event, something to pass the time for Mello, but the day before her father was due to arrive in LA, the blond had strolled into the room where she was being kept, dismissed the man guarding her, and told her that he was bored.

"I mean, it's the _mafia_, I suppose it's easy to draw up a list of complaints," he had shrugged. "When you get down to it, there are worse places I could be. But anyone would admit, the conversation is…hardly stimulating." Sticking his tongue out, he had pointed his little finger at her. "And that's where you come in."

He had told her he was going to remove her gag. "Now, I know your first instinct is to scream, but really, don't bother. It's a mafia hideout, they'll just get off on it. Your second instinct is to ask me why I'm doing this and can't I just leave you family alone, blah blah…" Mello waved his hand impatiently. "Don't do that either. That's depressingly boring, and if that' all you're going to spout then I will simply put the gag back in. Do we understand each other?"

Sayu nodded. Like she was going to do anything else. She was tied to a chair, completely at the mercy of this strange boy covered in leather and crosses, and scared out of her wits. She wasn't exactly sure what kind of conversation he expected her to come up with, given the circumstances. The gag was pulled out of her mouth. She tasted the leather of Mello's glove.

Mello pulled up a chair, backwards, and straddled it. "So.." he said, dragging out the word. "Let's start with some common ground…Your father, perhaps?"

"I - I don't know what - what information I can give you, that you don't already have -" Sayu said shakily, getting used to using her voice again.

Sighing theatrically, Mello put his palm to his face. "_No_, Miss Sayu, you are missing the point of this. This is _conversation_, not interrogation. You're - what - 16? And a girl. You must have experienced conversations before."

"I'm twenty," Sayu said, barely even aware of selecting the words.

Mello seemed taken aback. "Really? That makes you and me about the same age then. Isn't that a coincidence?" He flashed her a smile that she guessed was meant to be friendly, but in the semi-light and contrasting against the black of the clothes, it looked ghoulish and frightening.

"Age, there's common ground then," Mello continued. He paused, and rested a finger on his cheekbone. "Then again…I doubt we've done very many similar things in our twenty years."

Sayu waited patiently for him to decide on another conversation topic. She didn't mind that she wasn't being asked to respond - she was glad of it, glad of the chance to get the duct tape and rags away from her mouth.

"Look, you come up with something then, Miss Sayu," Mello said suddenly, surprising her. He had a pout-like, petulant expression on his face, indicating that the conversation did not seem to be going as he had hoped. He fiddled with the gag that he still held in his left hand.

Sayu stared back at him. What on Earth was she meant to say? Something to help her, something to surprise him? What did she know about things like this anyway? Light was the one who was good at this kind of thing, if Light was here…

Her mind seized on it suddenly, grasping to the memory of something positive, something glowing. "I have a brother," she said hesitantly.

"Yeah, I know. Light Yagami, age 23, five foot eight, works for the NPA…"

"I didn't know Onii-chan was five foot eight," Sayu said blandly.

Mello chuckled. "Guess I know your brother better than you do."

She smiled wanly. Despite herself, she was beginning to feel…well, if not quite comfortable, then at least, not threatened by the conversation. "No. Nobody knows Onii-chan better than I do."

Mello raised an eyebrow. "Hm? Well, perhaps I shall challenge you on that, Miss Sayu."

The topic of Light Yagami moved onto Soichiro Yagami, and Sayu stopped worrying about giving information away when she realised Mello knew most of what she was saying anyway, and all she was giving him was her opinion on the late hours her dad used to keep, the number of times Light had done her maths homework for her, and memories of the few, scattered family dinners they had had over the past few years.

"Since Kira came…they've changed," Sayu said, growing quiet. "And that is what this is about, I think, when you take everything away. It just comes down to Kira."

Mello leant forward against the bars of his chair. "So, Miss Sayu, what do _you _think of Kira?"

Sayu looked up and met his gaze. "I hate him," she said, her voice empty. "I couldn't care less about criminals and great justice and the morality or whatever of what he's doing. I'm no great thinker, I'm not a philosopher, I don't even care about things like that. Me? I just want my family back the way it was."

After a few moments of silence, Mello let a smile play over his face. "Miss Sayu, that's the most rational answer I've heard to that question in a long time. I think I like you."

"You kidnapped me," Sayu replied, "so I'm not going to tell you I like you. But…I don't think I hate you. Just what you're doing."

Mello shrugged. "I'll manage to limp through life with that, I think." He held up the gag. "I'm going now, so I had probably better put this back in…but if you promise to be quiet, I can leave it out for a while."

"I promise," Sayu said quickly, and Mello laughed.

"Somehow, I thought you would."

x

When Matsuda told her that Mello was dead, Sayu was, in part, relieved. It meant one more closed door, one less question she had to make herself ask during the painful visits when Matsuda or Aizawa would sit with her and try to get her to talk. But distantly, she decided that there had to be someone, somewhere, who was a little worse of for the passing of the blond boy in leather, and so she quietly mourned him. She laid a flower on a windowsill, an abstract, meaningless gesture, but it made her feel like she was doing something to commemorate Mello's death. She had a feeling that no one else was.

x

Near had not yet left Japan. The Kira case had wound to its close, Light Yagami fulfilling the role he had chosen when he had first picked up the Death Note. Near had, for all intents and purposes, won.

He would have preferred for Mello not to have died. He had liked Mello. In an idle, half formed day dream, that he had abandoned in favour of action figures and dice, he had imagined working side by side with the older boy, Near planning things to obsession and Mello executing them to perfection.

For a moment, he wondered if there was anyone who had met the news of Mello's death with something other than glee or relief. Lidner, he supposed. He considered the possibility of Lidner having feelings for Mello. It seemed unlikely; Mello had been nine years younger than Lidner, and yet, she had certainly seemed fond of him. It was a possibility. Near noted that the last time he had seen Mello, with the remnants of the explosion that had killed Soichiro Yagami stretched raw down the side of his face, he had seemed much older than his 21-or-so years.

Examining himself in the mirror, he let the fact that he was only one year and eight months younger than Mello had been become the focus of his thoughts. He was shorter than Mello had been, much shorter, pale and fragile where Mello had been sinewy and robust. They had both favoured single colours of clothes, striking out at opposite ends of the spectrum, and if Near considered it from an outsider's point of view, based on their appearances, he would have selected himself as the one most likely to die young.

But factoring in his cautious, obsessive nature and Mello's frantic bursts of emotion, the outcome became obvious. It was as it had played out. Mello was dead and Near was the victor.

Still, sometimes he wondered what it would have been like if Mello had agreed to Roger's idea that they work together.

x

It was many months later when Near returned to Japan. He had requested the help of the NPA's still-operative task force, now under the command of Aizawa to help catch a particularly notorious serial killer who was, according to his deductions, hiding in Japan. With the kind of dedication and efficiency that Near was able to appreciate as a remnant of L's influence on the group, the killer was tracked down and brought to trial.

Near was surprised when the aid came with a price. Aizawa assured him that this would not be the normal course of events, should Near need to call on them again, and that this should be viewed more as a favour than anything else. Respectfully, Near listened as Aizawa explained the request over the airwaves.

"It was Matsuda's idea, really," Aizawa's voice said, out of the microphone next to the laptop. "He was close to Deputy Director Yagami and took the…events…surrounding the family quite seriously. Obviously, the Deputy Director can't be brought back and as for Light…" Aizawa trailed off, before clearing his throat audibly. "Yeah, well, that leaves Sayu, the daughter. She was kidnapped by Mello to get the Death Note, and it's had a bad impact. But she - absurdly - seemed to keep asking about Mello, and Matsuda thought - see, he thought, if someone who had known Mello spoke to her, it might…change things…"

Near stacked one dice on top of another, opened a second box, and continued the tower. "Is Matsuda aware that his plan is fruitless at best, and at worst, sheer time wasting?"

"Near - L - it's just talking to her. Matsuda's tried everything. He thinks if he can make Sayu okay, then maybe -"

"I understand, Mr Aizawa. Touta Matsuda never seemed to be the most logical member of your team. If you can verify to me that Sayu Yagami is trustworthy, I am willing to comply with this request."

There was a startled noise on the other end of the line. Near smiled.

"You did not expect me to agree, Mr Aizawa?"

"Frankly, L, no, I didn't. You seem to be full of surprises these days."

Near's smile lingered. "Perhaps I am having to make up for the loss of Mello. In my more arrogant moments when I was younger…" he stacked a few more dice, topping the tower off with a square of chocolate, "…I used to think that without both of us being in it, the world would fall out of balance."

Aizawa laughed. "Who knows, you may be right. I'll get back to you with her details. You let me know if she's 'trustworthy'."

"Alright. And Mr Aizawa?"

"L?"

"Thank you for your assistance."

x

Three days later, Aizawa was informed by 'Watari' that L had decided Sayu Yagami was indeed trustworthy, and Aizawa was welcome to set up a meeting - provided it was within the next few days, because after that, L really wanted to be getting back to America.

Matsuda had headed over to the new Yagami home before the details had even been confirmed. Aizawa had to call him and tersely dictate the terms to him. Matsuda jotted down what Aizawa was telling him without taking it in, one hand steering the car and the other on his phone.

"Oh, and Matsuda, for God's sake watch the road this time."

"Hey, I only crashed once!"

"One is enough." Aizawa hung up just as Matsuda swung his car into the drive of the small house.

Sachiko was outside, and she shook her head disapprovingly as Matsuda climbed out of the car. "You need to drive more carefully, Matsuda. We can't have you in another accident." She tutted fondly, then frowned at him. Reaching up, she smoothed down his hair. "I'm not having you talking to my daughter looking like you just got pulled through a hedge backwards."

Since receiving the news of Light's death, Sachiko Yagami had, in Matsuda's opinion, become a lot more fond of the young cop. When he came to visit her and Sayu, she didn't scowl at him anymore, and she fussed over him when he seemed tired or turned up with an arm in plaster. When Matsuda had asked him about it, Aizawa had simply said that it was hard for a mother to go from having two children to barely having one in such a short space of time.

"New visitor for Sayu," Matsuda told her brightly, handing her the piece of paper.

"A safe one, I hope?" Sachiko replied, eyeing him critically. "Go through and tell her, then." she glanced down at the note as Matsuda disappeared inside the house. "Wait -Matsuda - this guy's supposed to be here in thirty minutes!"

Matsuda was already inside, self-consciously checking himself in the hall mirror. He knew that Sayu was unlikely to notice what he looked like that particular today, and even less likely to care, but it was force of habit. Whatever may have happened to her, to him, Sayu was still the Chief's little girl, all grown up and beautiful.

"Sayu, you in here?" he said, poking his head into the lounge. There she was, sitting on the couch, legs tucked to one side, staring off into space. She looked over when he came in, and smiled very faintly.

"Matsuda," she said, and the fact that she had made the effort to say his name made him glow. He sat down on the couch, not quite next to her. He checked his watch. Thirty minutes. He still had thirty minutes before Near got here. He looked up, and noticed that Sayu was trying to make her smile wider. He grinned back in response.

x

Sayu and Near sat opposite each other at the low kitchen table, neither one particularly sure what was expected of them. Near fiddled with his hair, and Sayu folded her hands in her lap and looked politely past his left ear.

At length, Near spoke.

"I apologise if I am not as talkative as you are used to, Miss Sayu, what with having Mr Matsuda as a regular visitor." Near was not used to a situation where he was not the only one avoiding eye contact. He was focusing on a tile three rows from the edge of the ceiling, but out of the corner of his eye, he noticed her jump a little. He glanced down.

Sayu swallowed, testing the words in her mind before trying to bring them to her tongue. "Why do you call me Miss Sayu?"

"I believed it to be an appropriate term."

"Why did you come to see me?"

"Mr Matsuda and Mr Aizawa requested that I did."

"Why?"

Near looked directly at her. This was what they wanted him to say to this girl, what they wanted him to talk about. "I was brought up in the same orphanage as Mello."

Sayu blinked twice. "Mello."

"Hm. I was the smartest and Mello was the second smartest, though those were only figures. In reality, he was all action and I was all talk." Near began to notice things about Sayu Yagami, like the length of her hair, and the fact that it appeared to be very soft.

"He said the same thing once. You are Near."

She had gentle eyes, and it was difficult to imagine this soft-featured, graceful girl as the sibling to the crazed Kira he had faced in a warehouse months before.

"I am. You spoke to him when you were kidnapped."

"Mello is dead, isn't he?"

The kidnapping, he had been told, had left her somewhere close to shell shocked, and she barely spoke except in measured, flat sentences. It had left the warm, youthful Sayu locked somewhere away, and offered instead this woman, made of cotton and cool water, and dark eyelashes on pale skin.

"Mello is dead."

"Does that bother you?"

Sayu paused, appearing to think. "Yes. I liked Mello."

Near looked straight past her glassy eyes and into the pair behind them. "How long has it been since you spoke to someone like you spoke to Mello?"

"I am."

The third L cocked his head to the side. So he was expected to believe that the girl had bonded with her kidnapper, but had still been traumatised enough to go into this kind of shock. But as the thoughts ticked over inside his head, and Near remembered that after all _Mello_ was a factor in all this, the idea began to seem less strange.

"It bothers me that Mello is dead, too. I liked him as well."

Sayu met his eyes properly this time. For a moment, they looked at each other, full of stillness and silence and passive reasoning and memories of loss and blond haired boys in leather.

"I am glad to have met you, Near. Will you visit me again?"

Near noticed that she was smiling.

x

Note again: Okay looking through a few more points. Pairings, it was intended to be vaguely Near/Sayu, but idk Matsuda worked his way in there because I love the guy. In fact most of the characters I like (Aizawa etc.) managed to end up in here. I wans just going to do a quick Mello-Sayu scene then cut to Sayu-Near. THAT CLEARLY WORKED SO WELL. And if you squint it's Mello/Sayu but I really just wanted her to like him. Which has no basis in reality but I don't caaaare. It just lapsed into me wishing Mello and Near had worked together in the middle. If you're reading this, thanks for muddling through, I apologise for any typing or spelling errors. Please review, even if it's to tell me to 'stop, oh God, please please stop'. God I ramble in ANs. Night.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own it and let's be honest, _I never will_.

Note: Okay, the second chapter of the story that was meant to be a one shot. I don't know how I feel about this story or where it's going, I'm just making it up as I go along. I hope this is up to par or whatever. Also _I really need to deal with the fact that I have an unhealthy obsession with Matsuda_. Why? Simply because, in this chapter, Matsuda was supposed be in the first couple of paragraphs and then not in it any more at all. Instead, what you get is _THIS_.

Apologies again for any mistakes. I have no beta and am currently so tired I keep hitting my head against the wall and why do I keep writing these things when no one reads them and I just _drive myself insane._

And now the fic.

x

**Louder Than Words**

**Chapter 2 **

Two weeks had passed, and Matsuda was pulling into Sachiko's drive again.

He had tried to leave it as long as he could - he didn't want to make a nuisance of himself - but he was desperate to find out if his idea of getting Near to talk to Sayu had had any effect at all. And if that kid had hurt her…

His grip tightened on the wheel.

"Matsuda! You're back again?"

Sachiko appeared in the doorway as Matsuda clambered out of the car.

"Er - I brought you flowers?" he offered, holding up the bunch of tulips he had bought on the way over.

"Flowers aren't enough to make up for two visits in as many weeks, not when they're visits from you," Sachiko said, but Matsuda was sure he saw her mouth twitch. "Keep your silly flowers - give them to Sayu."

Matsuda blinked. "Will she notice?"

Sachiko smiled and stepped aside, so he could enter the house. "See for yourself."

Sayu wasn't in the lounge this time. She was sitting out at the back of the house, next to the shallow pool in the garden. She was trailing her fingers through the water, her hair catching the sun and her skirt ruffling in the light breeze.

"Sayu?" Matsuda said, suddenly nervous. _Come on, let this have worked…_

Sayu turned and looked up at him. She tilted her head to one side and gave him a small smile, as she usually did. "You're back already, Matsuda," she said, with the hint of a laugh in her voice.

"Sayu!" he exclaimed, forgetting to keep his voice down. It was as simple as inflection on words - she'd said it to tease him, not as a mere statement of fact. "You're - you're okay?"

Sayu watched a leaf drift down from a tree. "No," she said slowly. "Maybe one day." When Matsuda visibly sagged, she returned her gaze again and added, "But I do feel…better."

Matsuda's head snapped up again, and Sayu laughed. Matsuda was so easy to read, he showed emotion more obviously than a puppy.

"Are those for me?" she asked, gesturing to the flowers.

"Huh? Oh! I brought them for your mother, so she doesn't get fed up of seeing me all the time…" he said, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

Sayu raised her eyebrows. "And if I get fed up of seeing you, Matsuda?"

He chuckled. "I guess these flowers are for you now, then." He moved forward so he was standing next to her, and held them out.

"Second choice to my mother? I should refuse them, really."

"N-no! I didn't meant it like that!" Matsuda looked horrified. "I mean - well - she's the one who's always letting me in and - and I didn't even know if you were -"

"I'm just joking, Matsuda," she told him, reaching out to take the flowers.

Matsuda uttered a sigh of relief and collapsed a few feet from her.

"I have to say, Sayu, you seem…back to normal."

"I don't think so," she said, playing with a fold in her skirt. "Things aren't normal anymore, so why should I be? But like I said. I'm feeling better." She poked him playfully. "I hear it was your idea to send Near to see me."

"So it worked!"

"You sound surprised, is failure the normal result of your ideas, Matsuda?" Sayu laid the bunch of flowers on her lap, fingering the petals. "Thank you. Near was…he did not pity me, or expect anything from me. It was -" _like talking to Mello_, she had been about to say, but stopped herself. Mello had kidnapped her and been responsible for her father's death, and Sayu had always felt that Matsuda had always blamed the boy even more than she had. Comparing Near to Mello would probably mean he would try to block any further visits, thinking it would protect her.

She shook her head in the same fond, exasperated way her mother did.

"What?" Matsuda asked, recognising the motion as the same one he received practically every time he visited.

"I've just realised how protective you are of me, Matsuda."

The man blushed and ducked his head. "Well - yeah - I mean, there's no one…that is, I think -" He broke off as Sayu leant over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. She drew back as he turned red and lapsed into stammering.

"You don't have to worry about me so much, you know. But I…I appreciate your concern. You're very sweet." Matsuda's stammering continued, and she laughed. "And very silly. Thank you for visiting me."

Matsuda finally managed to stop stuttering, and glanced away, look bashful. Sayu never ceased to be amazed by how easy it was to turn this thirty-something cop who'd spent five years chasing Kira into an embarrassed kid. Absently, she broke one of the stems of the flowers near the petals, and tucked it into her hair.

"So, Matsuda," she said, "what have you been up to at work since the Kira case finished?"

x

After Near had left, in the company of an old man who had handed him two action figures, Sachiko had immediately gone to see how her daughter was.

Sayu was sitting in the same place she had been when Sachiko left her, but she wasn't sitting so straight any more. She looked more natural, almost relaxed, with a secretive smile playing about her lips and her eyes flickering with life.

Sachiko hadn't entered the room. She had turned and hurried to the front of the house, where the white-haired boy was climbing into the back of a long black limousine.

"Wait!" she called, and the boy glanced up. He looked at the old man, who had been holding the door open for him, and the man moved towards her.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"That boy," she said, nodding towards him, "he - I don't know what he did - I don't know _who_ he is, but Sayu -"

"You have a very lovely daughter, Mrs Yagami," the boy said, from where he was standing by the car.

"What did you say to her?" she asked, appealingly.

"We just talked."

Sachiko shook her head. "you say you 'just' talked, but you don't know how difficult even that has been…whatever you said to her, whatever you did, thank you. Sayu seems…she's smiling. She looks like she's - she looks _happy_."

The boy straightened up, and with a glance at the old man, moved forward. He was just a couple of inches shorter than Sachiko, and she couldn't guess his age.

"May I come back to see Miss Sayu tomorrow?" he asked, and the old man made a surprised noise. The boy ignored him.

"O-of course. In fact, please do. Are you here for long…?"

The boy shook his head. "No. But if I am ever in Japan again…I would like it if I could visit your daughter again. I enjoyed speaking to her."

Sachiko nodded. "As long as she's okay with it, so am I."

The boy smiled, a kind of satisfied, private smile, that reminded Sachiko of the smile she had just seen Sayu wearing. _What _did_ those two talk about…?_

The boy looked down at the action figures he was holding against his chest. He took one in his hand and held it out to Sachiko. "Please give this to Miss Sayu."

Confused, Sachiko accepted the toy. It was red plastic, and seemed to be some kind of machine or robot. Seemingly satisfied, the boy turned and left. The old man bowed, and muttered a goodbye, and followed him to the car. Sachiko watched them drive off into the gathering gloom, before turning back to the house, feeling, for the first time in months, just a little bit more hopeful.

x

Sayu ran the brush through her hair once more, and turned her head this way and that, checking her reflection in her mirror. She glanced down, at the little red robot that had sat on her dressing table for several months. She looked back at her reflection, and saw that she was smiling.

Matsuda was waiting downstairs in his car, because even though her mother put little faith in his driving skills, Sayu had come to realise that ever since Light's death, she had put a lot of faith in Matsuda. And so, when Sayu mentioned that she'd like to go for a drive somewhere, Matusda was the only person Sachiko was willing to trust with her daughter.

It would be her third time going any distance from the house since they had moved there. Twice, she had walked with her mother to the shops, silently taking in the sights and sounds that she had been separated from for more than a year. Today would be her first time since her kidnapping that she was more than three rooms away from her mother.

Downstairs, she was met with the comical sight of her mother pacing round Matsuda's car, making sure it was 'safe enough' to meet her standards. Matsuda was trailing after her, attempting to explain something or other, occasionally accompanying his words with a wave of his hands.

Sayu laughed, and they both looked up at her.

"Sayu! You look beautiful!" Matsuda exclaimed, and Sachiko shot him a suspicious, dirty look. "Uh, but not so beautiful I'd ever try anything inappropriate, of course," he added nervously, glancing sideways at Sachiko.

"Don't worry, mom - Matsuda's way too much of a dork to do anything like that," Sayu said, reaching for her jacket and heading towards the car.

"Exactly - wait, hey! Sayu! You think I'm a dork?" Matsuda looked so crushed, Sayu almost felt guilty.

"A good dork. A cute one," she said, opening the passenger seat door. Perking up again, Matsuda headed round to the driver's side.

"Have her back in an hour or I'm calling the police," Sachiko said, and Sayu was pretty sure she was only half joking.

"I am the police…" Matsuda grinned, and pulled out of the drive before Sachiko could respond.

"She'll just be waiting to yell at you when we get back," Sayu commented, as they turned the corner at the end of the street.

"It was worth it. Where do you want to go?"

"Oh, anywhere," she replied, looking out of the window. She was bizarrely fascinated by the scenery flicking by, relearning the feeling of being moved inside something, and the sounds of the engine.

Sayu was beginning to notice things. Every day, she would find something in the house that she didn't think had been there before, and every time her mother would tell her that it had been there for weeks, for months, since they had moved in. But Sayu had begun taking a childish joy out of finding each new thing. She had begun smiling for no reason. And gradually, Matsuda's visits had become more frequent.

Tearing her eyes away from the window, she glanced at the man sitting next to her. How old was he now? Thirty? Thirty two? Sayu was sure it was somewhere about her. Catching sight of herself in the rear-view mirror, she wondered if people would actually pick her out as the younger one of the two.

She had aged. She didn't really feel twenty-one, but then, she wouldn't have been able to say what age she _did_ feel, had someone asked her, because how would she know anyway? She supposed that what it came down to was that she'd stopped thinking about age. She didn't go to college, she didn't have a job, she barely left the house - not typical characteristics of a woman in her early twenties. As they usually did, her thoughts returned to Mello and Near.

Both were younger than her. One had been a kidnapper and a mafia boss, and had wound up dead, the other had solved the Kira case and still played with toys. Near had never told her his age, but from his comments Sayu placed him at about seventeen. He might as well still have been a child.

Sayu knew she didn't belong to that world, where you put your life on the line everyday doing things simply because they were 'right' or because they'd help you win. But she'd brushed the edges of it - she'd seen her father's body peppered with bullets and scorched with burns, and she'd dreamt of Mello's face and what it would look like with the scar Near had told her about.

She realised her gaze had gone back to Matsuda. Instead of looking older, Matsuda looked far younger than his years, and Sayu allowed herself a moment of wonder that after everything the man had gone through, he could still look and act like a boy. He turned, and caught her looking at him. He smiled.

"I have some news for you, Sayu," he said, turning back to the road.

"Hm?"

"Near will be coming to Japan soon."

"Oh?" She sat up in her seat.

Matsuda nodded. "He said he hopes to have time to pay you a visit." He glanced at Sayu out of the corner of his eye. "You two are becoming friends, huh?"

Sayu noticed something shift in his tone, but didn't know what to make of it. "I suppose so," she said, smiling a little at the thought. "He doesn't really strike me as the type to have friends, though…"

Matsuda bit his lip, looking like he wanted to say something.

"Whatever it is, Matsuda, just say it."

"Nah, it's nothing. Just me being…me, I guess. A stupid theory, Ide says it's just…yeah, it doesn't matter. Just be careful. He's…well. You already know he's the one that solved the Kira case, and -"

"It's okay. I know Near is hardly a normal teenager. I'll be careful, if that's what you want. I'll be honest though, I don't really understand a word you said just now."

Matsuda laughed. "Yeah, sorry. I was rambling aloud."

"I'm used to it by now, trust me," she said dryly.

"Ah, you must get so fed up of me sometimes."

"No, Matsuda. I'm never fed up of you."

He shot her another bright smile.

"Want to get ice cream?"

x

Note: I give up. I'll never be able to write Sayu/Near. I just get distracted and end up putting Matsuda into the middle of it. OKAY THEN to anyone reading this. If you want Sayu/Matsuda, I'll go that way. If you want Sayu/Near, I'll go that way. Let me know and we'll see if I can squeeze another chapter or two out of this thing. Though going on past experience I would be completely unsurprised if this morphed into a 30,000 word monstrosity with a murder case and plot all of its own.

It's happened before.

Anyway I think there are things I have to explain here…which shows I've written it badly. Yeah anyway. So somewhere I read that Sayu doesn't really recover but hey, this is fanfic, so I'm writing it so she snaps out of it. The reason Mello had such a profound impact on her is…idk Stockholm Syndrome? That and to me Mello is the type of person who if you meet him, you remember. And for Sayu, who's essentially ordinary (don't get me wrong, I love her and all, but she's no L), meeting the likes of Mello and Near is going to change her, in this case, back to normal. Also in my mind Matsuda's kind of taken it on himself to make sure Sachiko and Sayu are okay, because of how much he respected the Chief/wanted to replace Light as his son. Plus he has a mad crush on Sayu. And so I figured he told her the Kira case was done but obviously not that her brother was Kira. Mebbe we can have her find out? IDK WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE?

I talk too much.

R&R?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or anything related. I don't own a firm grip on reality. I have no sense of how fanfics should go.

Note: Um...so yeah. Hi, everyone. It's been...a while. Like five months. Considering...yeah considering I posted Chapter Two about three days after starting to write DN fanfiction, and now I've got more than 130k of it AND a 100k original manuscript under my belt and it's December...

Yeah, s'been a while coming, huh?

Okay so I'm going to change the summary of this. Because incase you can't tell by the end of this chapter, I'm taking this off in a different direction. It's still going to be a Sayu pairing fic with Matsuda or Near (or maybe both) but I have a plot for it now. A proper plot that I actually really, really like. Even if it's a bit mad. It's going to be AU. It's going to be messy. At some point there will be some low key OCs because there simply aren'y enough characters left alive for me to do what I want to do. It's going to be all over the place an awkward and truly awful. But guys, please don't let me give up on this one. I hope you enjoy, and for those of you who were looking forward to seeing this updated, I hope this is worth the wait.

x

**Louder Than Words**

**Chapter Three**

Near didn't particularly care for Japan. In truth, he wasn't sure if this was to do with the country itself, or to do with Kira. Probably Kira, he admitted, because if he was honest, he hadn't really seen all that much of Japan, besides an airport, a tall building, and the inside of an abandoned warehouse by a wharf.

He didn't know why he wanted to see Sayu again. It was strange, really, and maybe just a little bit desperate, because a part of him understood that this wasn't to do with Sayu Yagami.

It was to do with Mello.

...Or was it?

It certainly had been about Mello to begin with. That second time he had visited her, everything they had spoken about...it had all been because _she_ had spent time alone with Mello, _she_ had been spoken to by him, not with dislike but indifference, not with guarded hostility but open honestly and frank, casual comments.

Maybe it's stupid but Near, he'd have done pretty much anything to have that kind of time with Mello.

Too late now though, he thought, and reached for the phone lying on the desk in front of him. He didn't bother with the voice modifier as the man on the other end picked up, and he said, "Mr Aizawa?"

A pause, while Aizawa placed his voice, and tried to remember what he was meant to call him. "L," he said at last.

"I need to ask you a favour," Near states, both of them aware that there will be no exchange of pleasantries.

"Go right ahead."

"It is about Sayu Yagami."

"...Oh. You want to meet with her again?"

Over the phone, Near smiled. He was glad that Aizawa had been part of the Kira case. He was astute and sensible, if dry and too close a follower to the rules. He was, though, the kind of man Near needed – all the thinking and rule-breaking he could do himself. What he needed was someone reliable, someone steadfast.

And someone who understoof.

"Consider it done," Aizawa was saying. "I'll get back to you with the details. Anything else?"

This time, it was Near's turn to pause. The small smile reappeared on his face, and he asked – however out of character it may have been, however strange a thing for him to say – "Only one more thing. How are you doing, Mr Aizawa?"

-

Later that day, another phone rang, and in a house not far away, it was scooped up by Sachiko Yagami.

"Hello? Oh. Sayu? Really? Oh, hello, Matsuda. I'll call her now – _Sayu! Matsuda is on the phone for you!_"

Slow footsteps down the stairs – careful, still unsure of the unfamiliar steps – and Sayu took the phone from her mother, mouthing a silent 'thank you'. She raised the receiver to her ear, and said, "Hello? Matsuda?"

"Sayu!" the voice crackled on the other end. There was noise in the background, and it sounded distinctly like the sounds of a street.

"Hey." There was a warmth in her voice that surprised her. What was this – affection? For Matsuda? She smiled a little. It made sense, she supposed. He was looking out for her a lot, especially lately. He was visiting all the time. He was taking on the roles of brother and father and friend all at once, and yet...

There really wasn't anything that familial about him at all. He was cute, after all, even if he was a bit old.

"I've got some news about Near for you," Matsuda said, and she jolted back to the conversation. "He's in Japan now, and he wants to see you. You up for it?"

Sayu felt something inside her contract. She couldn't decide if it was nerves, or anxiety, or uncertainty or – something else. But she pushed it aside. "Oh? Um. Of course. When?"

"Uh...he's leaving in a couple of days, so I think tomorrow would be best?"

Sayu glanced at the calendar, almost out of habit, and then shook her head. Did she really think she already had any prior engagements? After all this time...?

"Tomorrow's fine. What time?"

She could almost hear Matsuda shrug on the other end of the line. "I...don't know?"

He had probably been told, she thought, smiling fondly. And he'd just completely forgotten. Well, if he wasn't going to help – "Do you think one will be okay?"

"In the afternoon?"

"No, Matsuda, in the morning. In the middle of the night."

"Really?"

She remained silent, waiting. And then –

"You're being sarcastic, aren't you, Sayu?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

Matsuda laughed, breathlessly embarrassed, like an awkward teenager. That's what he is more than anything, Sayu decides. A big, awkward teenager, who never quite grew up, just started growing old.

It had been different lately, though. She'd just been putting it down to problems with her own perception of the world – she'd been away from it for so long, after all – but now she was starting to wonder...

She'd heard that he'd been close to Light, after all.

Maybe she wasn't the only one missing him.

"Matsuda –" she began, and then stopped. What was she going to say? 'I'm sorry my brother's dead'?

"Yeah? Sayu?"

"Um..." She searched for an appropriate comment in her head. 'How are you?' didn't really seem to convey what she wanted it to and everything else...

She gave up.

"Never mind. Doesn't matter."

"You sure?" Matsuda sounded concerned. Ironic, she though. I'm trying to find out if he's okay and he winds up worrying about me.

"I'm sure. So. One tomorrow to see Near...here?"

"Yeah, he said he'd see you at your house. I think. Aizawa talked to him."

"Oh." Sayu didn't really know Aizawa very well, beyond the vague memory of a man who had stood next to her mother at Light's funeral, and that he had taken over her father's job.

"Yeah, he – oh, damn! Sayu, I gotta go. My – um – out of credit on this payphone." He laughed again, the same bashful laugh. "Um – maybe I could come over later, we could play cards?"

"Okay," she replied. "But no alcohol. I know how you drink, Matsuda, and I know that you're driving. My mother isn't going to let you sleep on the couch again, you know."

Matsuda was laughing again. It was a nice sound. "Sure thing, I –"

And his credit ran out.

Smiling, Sayu shook her head. He'd never change, she thought, as she hung the phone up, and went to break the news of Matsuda's impending visit to her mother.

-

After Matsuda had gone, and her mother had stopped grumbling, and she was lying in bed, Sayu stomach suddenly twisted again.

Out of nowhere, because nothing else was going on, the feeling was back.

This made no sense, she told herself. It's just Near.

Just someone who knew Mello.

Who kidnapped me.

Just someone who's involved in the Kira case and wants to see _me_.

And then it started to not seem so strange.

Maybe it was okay, she thought, to be nervous. Maybe it was okay to be a little bit unsure about all of this, because after all, wasn't this a bit of a strange situation? Surely...surely..._surely_ this was anormal response.

She hoped so. Because by now, she was fed up of having abnormal responses to things.

-

The next morning the feeling still hadn't gone away. She woke up at eight, full of nervous energy, and by eleven had run out of things to clean or tidy or watch on TV. The only thing left was to go outside.

Sayu hadn't been outside on her own in a long, long time.

With her coat pulled on, her hand hovered over the telephone. She'd called Matsuda's number enough times to know it without checking, and he'd said last night that he didn't have to go in to work this morning, and she was _sure_ he wouldn't mind coming out with her –

No. She have to leave the house on her own at some point, and...today was as good a day as any, really.

The first step was the hardest, leaving the safety of the house, into the cold, hostile air outside. Turning out of the drive was hard, too, moving down the street, losing sight of the front door, losing sight of home.

But by the time she turned the corner into town, it didn't seem too bad. Scary, sure, a little bit too big and loud and noisy to do too often, but...do-able. And she was doing it.

She bit back a smile, and brushed her hair behind her ear. And, for a while, she simply walked.

At twelve, a bell tinkled as she pushed open the door of a coffee shop. It was tiny, tucked away at the end of a street, and cosy, and very homely. A couple of customers, and a lady behind the till, glanced up when she entered. The lady gave her a warm smile, and took her order for hot chocolate.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, Sayu saw a familiar flash of blonde.

_Misa -_?

It was. Turning, Sayu confirmed what she'd already realised – Misa Amane was sitting, alone, by the shop window. She was staring out, and looking decidedly bored.

Sayu hadn't seen her since...well, before she had been kidnapped, that was for sure. And she'd been Light's fiancée...

Taking her hot chocolate from the lady behind the till, she dropped her change in the charity box, and wove her way between tables towards Misa.

The actress looked up as Sayu drew near, and blinked in surprise. "Hey!" she said, with a brightness Sayu hadn't expected. She pushed out a seat with her foot, and Sayu took it, thanking her quietly.

"Sayu-chan! Misa had heard you weren't doing so good. But you're out! Are you okay now? Misa hopes you're okay!" Delight, concern and relief flitted across Misa's features, each expression remaining for less than a second. "After all that nasty business last year with the kidnapping and all of the bad stuff with the Kira case..."

Misa rambled on, looking earnestly at Sayu, chattering excitedly. For her part, Sayu was at a complete loss. Wasn't Misa supposed to have loved Light? Not that she wasn't pleased to see Misa coping, but should she be – well – a bit broken up about it all?

"I'm alright," Sayu said, still confused. "I...I've been getting out a bit more, yes. But it's hard right now...don't you think? What with everything that's happened...?" She realised that she was prompting Misa, and for a second, wondered why. And then it dawned on her, what exactly felt wrong about this situation, and what exactly she was digging for. Maybe Misa didn't –

A look of intense sadness came across Misa's face. "Oh yes. Misa heard about your father. I'm very sorry."

"Oh..." Sayu stared at her. As kind as it was for Misa to offer her condolences there, it...didn't make sense. Surely her first thoughts would be about Light? Then the only option left was that she genuinely, really, didn't _know_.

Why didn't Misa know?

"Misa," Sayu said slowly. "It – it isn't just my father that's dead. You know that, right?"

Misa pursed her lips and nodded solemnly. "Of course. The boy who killed him is dead too. Misa thinks his name was Mellow or something like that. And Takada is dead, too! She was Light's other girlfriend. But now she's dead so Misa gets Light all to herself, as if there was ever any real competition from that –"

"Misa," Sayu repeated, interrupting her, her voice low. "Misa – Light's _dead_."

Misa stopped short, and her expression went blank. "What?"

"Light. My brother. He's dead. He was killed back in January, when – you didn't know?"

"What?" Misa said again. "Light...Light is..." She stood up, abruptly. "Why would you lie to Misa, Sayu? Misa knows Light is away on some business for the Kira case. Monchichi told her. He told her that Light would be back – he told her –" But her voice was shaking. Her fingers were wrapped around the strap of her back, too tightly, and slowly, Sayu got to her feet too.

"He told you Light was away on business?" she asked, quietly, a horrible realisation dawning on her. "They didn't tell you – they just said –"

Misa was starting to tremble. "Sayu-chan," she said, in a piteous moan. "Please tell me this is a lie."

She'd dropped her usage of the third person, Sayu noted dimly. And more than anything, she wished she could tell Misa what she wanted to hear.

"It's not," she whispered. "It's not a lie."

For a second, Misa did not move. Her trembling stopped, and in that instant, she stood perfectly still, and behind her eyes was a kind of empty, desperate horror that made Sayu's stomach turn over. Then –

"_NO!_"

People turned round, looking for the source of the scream, but Misa was already running for the door. Sayu could make out tears streaming down her face as she struggled after her, and she called out to her, trying to encourage her to come back –

But Misa was gone, and the crowds were too thick to pick her out, so the only place to go was home.

It was five past one when she arrived, and sitting in the kitchen was...

"Near," she said, stopping in the doorway.

The boy turned, looking at her from his perch on a kitchen chair. "Sayu," he greeted her, and then frowned at the sight of her expression. "What's wrong?"

"Why didn't you tell her?" Sayu fought to stop her voice from shaking. "Why didn't you tell her that Light was dead?"

Near's eyes went cold. "That was not my decision to make. Nevertheless, she does not deserve any special consideration –"

"How can you say that?!" She stepped forward, suddenly angry, suddenly _furious_ at this pale little boy in white, at Matsuda with his puppy dog eyes, at Aizawa, at _everyone_ who had had anything to do with that case.

"Misa Amane is not who you think she is. She is cruel and she is stupid and she was far to dependent on Light Yagami, who, Sayu, if you must know, was equally –"

When she slapped him, Sayu hadn't been thinking about what she as doing. But when she realised what she had done, as Near raised a hand to his pink cheek, she was glad.

"How dare you?" she asked, in a low, quiet voice. "How dare you say that? What gives you – what gives anyone the right to –"

Near slid down from the chair, one hand still pressed to his cheek. "You don't understand the situation here."

"Of course I don't. I'm only Light's _sister_ after all. I'm only the girl who got _kidnapped_."

Near looked at her impassively. "You'll forgive me but that doesn't mean anything at all. You don't know anything about what went on in the Kira case."

"Because no one will tell me!" Sayu exclaimed, her voice rising. "My mother doesn't know anything, and Matsuda just gets quiet, and you –"

"Sayu, you need to calm down. You're over-reacting and that is not good for your condition."

In an instant, her fury turned cold. "Get out," she said levelly. "Leave. Now."

"I believe that would be for the best."

"_Get out_!"

Near padded to the doorway, casting one look over shoulder. There was something strange in his eyes – something that was almost...contemptuous. He opened his mouth to make some parting shot, but Sayu pointed at him.

"Go."

He shut his mouth. He went. And Sayu sunk to her knees on the floor, and began to cry.

-

A long way away, in a place that only half existed, a sightless face cast its impossible gaze downwards. It watched as a slight, pale boy all in white left a suburban house, and it watched as a beautiful blonde woman who had caused the death of two of his subjects ran through back alleys, crying and shaking.

It watched as day faded into night.

When the stars were out, it watched candles being lit, and listened to murmuring voices being raised in praise of a thing called 'Kira'. It watched a young Japanese policeman open a bottle of wine alone in his apartment, and it watched, somewhere back in time, bullets and flames ending lives.

Somewhere in the land where death lay slain, bones and time shuddered into motion, and dust and rust fell away from limbs that had not been moved for aeons. Something sparkled, and a figure rose to its feet. The sparkling things in the absence of air seemed to flow, in a non-existent breeze, and congregated in front of the figure. Thin, skeletal fingers extended from underneath a tattered black robe, and as the sparkles of gold touched it, the finger became flesh again, and the robe, rich and royal.

The figure was very old. It was older than the realm in which it sat – it had been of the shinigami before there had been shinigami. It was the Original Death, the being that had existed before the rumours, and not of them.

The sparkles of gold formed a shape, formed something being pulled out of non-existence and into the world of unreality. The process in play was one which threatened to bend the universe against itself, because there were some rules that should not be broken, some things that should not simply be created – that had to exist already, in finite number, or the walls of the world could not contain it.

But it was this being that made the rules, and so, it saw fit to bend them.

The human world was beginning to become interesting.

At the feet of the Shinigami King, the new Death Note fell.

Slowly, with the creaking of age and power, he grinned.

_PERHAPS IT IS TIME FOR SOME FUN AFTER ALL._

Each step was like simultaneously like a city falling and a leaf falling on an invisible pathway. The King trod through air, not on the ground, climbing higher, his robe both rich and tattered all at once, his head of hair full at this angle, and straggly at another.

The portal to the human world lay below him.

Almost all the shinigami had watched the boy with the Death Note. He had been curious, and he had been powerful, and he had though himself more powerful than the Gods of Death. As much as he loathed Ryuk, the King was pleased to see the way the shinigami had dealt with the boy.

_AS WAS EARNED_ he mumbled to himself, the grin still fixed on his face, as if it had been painted there by a morbid child.

But now that the boy was dead...

Now that the boy was dead, the others had lost interest. Now that the boy was dead, the game was over. But they were wrong.

_IT IS JUST BEGINNING_.

The King's laugh, like shadows and spiderwebs, followed the notebook down through the portal, and into the world of light.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I still don't own Death Note. I don't even, really, own the OCs here - as explained at the bottom. Making no profit, just mangling a fandom.

Note: So this chapter is where the plot really starts to pick up and I lose all my readers who came in for the promise of Sayu/Near. There still will BE some but it's going to be part of a larger (crazier) plot. Now, I'm not good at actually constructing story lines, but when I do it, I do it in a big way. More explanation at the end for this one, so see you there.

x

**Louder Than Words**

**Chapter Four**

It was the first anger Sayu had felt in months. It had been the first gut-dropping horror, too – she hadn't felt anything, not for a long time, not after her dad and her brother had died. Feeling hadn't rushed back all at once and nor had it returned gradually – it had come in fits and starts. First, there had been a dull feeling of contentment, out of place of everything, and feeling understood – this was Near. Then there had been a sudden burst of things: excitement, feeling cold, feeling warm, feeling tired, laughter. That had been Matsuda, taking her out to a funfair, a park, a movie theatre. Then the same feelings had looped, over and over, and though a part of her knew that she should be sad, she just couldn't feel it. She hadn't re-learnt how to yet.

And then there was Misa. Seeing Misa's face fall, seeing the sudden horror in her eyes, had made the pit of Sayu's stomach fall out, a horrible, cold emptiness that made her sick all the way up her throat. Then, she'd remembered how much she'd _loved_ Light, how often her daddy used to play games with her when she was little – how desperately, suffocatingly _sad_ everything was these days...

Near. Near had been there with his blank face and his superiority and his casual demeanour, and she'd _hated _him. This was an emotion she had only felt once before: directed, full force, at Kira – Kira, for taking her father, Kira, for taking her brother, Kira, for taking Mello and for making her mother sad – It was strange, then, that the second time she hated someone, after rising from her waking sleep, it hadn't been for action and destruction, but an absence. An absence of caring, an absence of colour, an absence of...everything.

She had wanted Near to be like Mello. And now, bit by bit, she was finding that nothing could be further from the truth.

He had left an hour ago, she noted, tilting her head back to look at the click on her bedroom wall. She had sunk to the kitchen floor and cried, a sudden horrific loneliness washing over her. Sobs had racked her for a good five minutes before, suddenly, she stopped. She got to her feet. She smoothed back her hair. It wouldn't do for her mother to find her here, this upset. She took the stairs one at a time, carefully, peering down through swollen eyes. Inside her room, slumped against the door she closed weakly behind her, she hadn't been able to cry. She had just felt very tired...and very sad.

All her fury had left her. She could barely raise her arm – some kind of strange lethargy had started seeping into her limbs. And for an hour, she simply sat there.

Now, some feeling was returning to her extremities. She was still tired, but she had presence enough to bring a hand up to cover her eyes. She pressed her temples, and let out a slow, measured breath.

Logic was coming back. Linear thinking. Organisation. Not something Sayu had ever really been good at, but...she closed her eyes, tried to pull her thoughts into order.

Misa knew about Light. Misa was devastated. Misa might do something dangerous.

Sayu fumbled for her phone, and missed the digits three times before remembering she had the number on speed dial. A heavy press on the "3" key and then the phone is ringing, and after a few rings too many, a voice says, "Hello?"

"Matsuda, hey." Sayu knew she sounded like she'd been crying. Her voice was low and a little hoarse, and touched with heartbreak around the edges.

"Sayu? Are you okay?" Immediately, Matsuda sounded anxious. Despite herself, something glowed in Sayu's chest at his concern. It was nice to feel like she hadn't been forgotten, hadn't been abandoned – that someone cared.

"No," she answered truthfully. "I'm really upset. I jsut saw Near and –"

"Near? You saw Near? Is that why you're upset, because of something Near did? I can go after him, Sayu, just say the world –"

"No, no," she cut across him. "No, it's – before I saw Near, I saw Misa, and I didn't realise she didn't know about Light, and I told her..."

For a moment, Matsuda didn't answer. Then he said very quietly, "Oh, Sayu."

Her heart, if it could, would have broken again. Matsuda didn't, for a second, sound like he blamed her. He didn't sound like he was judging what had happened, didn't sound like he cared why – it was as if, she thought, it was as if he just realised how much this would destroy Misa, and was feeling just as destroyed himself.

It was so different to Near's objective, callous approach. Matsuda didn't question it. He just...cared.

"You – um – I think someone should be with her," she found herself saying, while she twisted a finger in the hem of her top.

"Why?"

"In case she – um – in case-" she left the sentence hanging, and after a few seconds of baffled silence, Matusda caught on.

"Oh...Oh! Oh, you're right! Um, I gotta go Sayu, I gotta talk to Aizawa –"

A fumbled goodbye later, the line went dead, and Sayu was left, phone pressed to her ear, unsettled and alone.

-

The girl standing by the railway station was slender, and not particularly tall. Her hair was long and cut evenly at the ends, and hung, pale and heavy, around her face. She was pretty, in an unassuming, inoffensive way, and her eyes were clear and glazed. She was blind.

She wore, over delicate hands, thin black gloves, and had a dark purple hood pulled up over her head. The wind ruffled her long skirt, and she shivered as her shawl shifted from her shoulder. Next to her, a burly man with dark hair and a thin line of beard extended his arm. He pulled the shawl back over her shoulder, resting his fingers briefly against her skin.

"Mei? Are you alright? We can go back..."

The girl shook her head, her hair swaying in the wind. "No. I want to stay here."

The man let out a sigh. "Mei...we've been here for ages. It's cold. It's January. There's snow been predicted –" He spoke Japanese with an American accent, and wore a heavy leather jacket over jeans and a shirt that, once upon a time, had been smart. "We should go. We've been waiting for hours, and nothing's going to –"

"Quiet!" Mei cut across him suddenly, raising her head. "Thomas, did you hear that?"

"No? Hear what? Nothing happened. There wasn't any..." He trailed off, watching her, his brow furrowed.

"I heard something fall," she said quietly, then raised an arm, and pointed. "Over there."

With a sigh, Thomas turned his gaze towards where she was pointing. "There's a couple of bushes, a tree, an old sign that's falling apart...want me to go check?" Without waiting for an answer, he added, "Stay put," and moved towards the place Mei had pointed to.

Mei pulled her shawl closer around herself. She _knew_ she had heard something – something very distinct; the fluttering of paper in a breeze, and the gentle thud of a light object falling to the ground. It was the same noise she had heard in her dream, the same noise that had brought her to the abandoned station today.

Thomas' footsteps crunched back toward her over semi-frozen ground, echoing in her over-sensitive ears.

"It was a notebook." He pressed it into her hand, and she ran her fingers across it, making out markings on the front, a number of pages inside, and thin, flexible covers.

"What's on the front?"

Thomas took it back from her. "What do you know – it's in English. My speciality. It says 'Death Note'." Mei heard the sound of pages being ruffled, and assumed Thomas was flicking through it. "Something written in kanji underneath it too, think it might be the same thing. Oh, hang on. There's stuff on the inside cover. Um – oh, it's English too. No Japanese this time."

"What does it say?"

"Rules or something," he said dismissively. "Looks like a lot of nonsense." He began to read in an affected tone – "The human whose name is written in this note –"

Mei waited for him to continue, but when he did not, she frowned. "Thomas? What is it?"

"It's..."

"What?" she said, sharpness creeping into her tone. Her heart sped up, and in her gut, she _knew_ this was it – knew she hadn't interpreted the dream wrong – and that this would be – "Thomas, read it out!"

"The human whose name is written in this note," he said, very quietly, "shall die."

And Mei smiled, and pressed her palms together, interlocking her fingers. She fell to her knees, dry mud flaking against her skirt. She laughed.

"Mei." Thomas sounded a little choked. "Mei – do you think – is this – what you said before, about –"

"Yes! Yes, Thomas, it is – it is! This is – Lord Kira – he's back...he has gifted us with his mission! Thomas, our saviour is returned to us!"

-

Misa was sitting, still and silent as a statue, her neck bent, her eyelids lowered, and her hands clasped in her lap. She was dressed demurely and sombrely.

"Misa." Aizawa placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "I'm glad you're hear."

"Matsuda told me to come," she said in a very small voice. Then she added, "He drove me here."

"I know." Aizawa's tone was all business. "I apologise for not telling you before now about Light. We were worried about you."

"How could you think – " Misa started, and then stopped. "You must have know I would find out eventually."

"I thought maybe you would forget. Start getting over him. Then when you found out...it wouldn't hurt so much."

"Misa could never forget Light."

Aizawa's face clouded. The statement had been deliberately provocative – and she hadn't reacted. Misa was always, always ready to leap up and challenge anyway who said her love for Light had not been absolute, and now here she was, quiet and solemn, expressing herself in murmurs and whispers.

"Of course not. But we hoped anyway."

"How did he die?" she asked.

"Kira," he answered. It was all the information he was willing to give her. "A year ago now."

She nodded, once. She swallowed. Her eyes welled up, she turned her head quickly to the side. She drew a deep, shuddering breath, released it, and then, finally, raised her head to look at Aizawa.

"What now?"

"There's grief counselling," he began, launching into a pre-prepared speech. "And all of us are here for you – Sachiko Yagami has offered to look after you, and Matsuda's said he's willing to visit you as often as you need. We're going to look after you, don't worry. And maybe in time –"

"No," she cut across him, in the same, small voice. "I mean...what am I going to do now?"

The plaintive, empty note in her voice struck a chord in Aizawa. He thought of his wife. He thought of his daughters. And he thought of how he would feel if they had been ripped away from him, if he'd been kept in the dark about it for a year...

"I don't know," he said. "I'm sorry. I don't know."

Misa started to cry.

-

It wasn't possible.

What Near was doing – what this sudden, erratic, impossible train of thought meant – was simply ridiculous. It wasn't possible and he knew it. It was simply...simply a similar phenomenon. It was not Kira. It was simply a pseudo-Kira.

But when the first criminals had started dying, he hadn't been able to suppress it: a momentary upsurge of panic, a terrible sense of futility and a second of blank terror.

And then he had been back in possession of his senses, and ashamed of himself. It was perfectly ridiculous. He couldn't help but analyse his reaction, though, and concluded that it was a result of the devastation Kira had caused. He had robbed Near of what was left of his childhood, stolen Near and Matt away – and bested L through cheats and lies. The panic, he supposed, came from an irrational idea that Yagami had come back to somehow 'finish the job' and kill Near, too. A clean sweep, so to speak.

But no. No, no, no. That wasn't it. He had spoken to a shinigami. Ryuk had been very clear on one thing, despite his apparent stupidity: once dead, a human can never come back. And Light Yagami was _dead_.

But there would have been other Death Notes. Other shinigami. It was possible – entirely possible – that another shinigami had initiated a similar series of events, and some Kira-supporter had got hold of a Death Note and taken it upon himself to carry on the murderer's work.

Yes. That had to be it.

In fact – it could even have been Misa Amane. He had never understood the task force's decision to let her go – though he did understand, now, that her memory was gone – thanks, again, to Ryuk, and their conversation about what happened when you relinquished control of a Death Note.

L's headquarters had been abandoned since his death. Now, a single light was on, on the third floor, and Near sat at a lone monitor tucked far away from the main computers downstairs. He was entirely alone. Roger, the only other person in the building, was preparing food three rooms away. Near was safe.

He opened a file. No one touched Near's files – not even Roger. From between leafs of paper, he withdrew a slender volume, running his fingers over the cover. He flicked through the pages.

"Getting sentimental?"

"No."

"Ah. Getting worried, then?"

"No."

"Why so abrupt? I thought we were getting to be buddies."

"We're not buddies."

"What you going to do about Kira then?"

"It's not Kira."

"Guy killing criminals with a Death Note. Sounds like Kira to me."

Near rubbed his temples. "You know what I mean. It's not Light Yagami. Not the real Kira."

"Oh, well, sure it's not Light. I wrote his name in my book, remember?"

"I remember, Ryuk. I was there, if you don't recall."

"Yeah, you were the funny kid with the mask." Ryuk grinned, and turned upside down in mid-air, floating behind Near. "Good thing you kept the Note, right? Didn't burn it? Useful to have me around now, right? Any questions you need answered, you got me here."

Near cast the grinning shinigami a scathing look. "Because you're just dying to volunteer your help."

"Hey, you're not nearly as nice to me as Light was. He used to let me have apples. You're just mean. I could kill you anytime, you know."

"If you were going to, you would have by now, surely?" Near barely changed his expression, but one eyebrow quirked ever so slightly upwards.

"Well yeah, maybe. But you're clever – you give me enough apples and interesting things to watch, and I know that if you really felt threatened, you'd just burn the book and be done with me."

"Correct."

"So...is it a deal? My help in exchange for some bountiful human fruits?"

Near shrugged. "If it turns out I need your help, then yes. If not – just stop hiding Roger's things. He believes he is going senile."

Ryuk snickered. "So you're gonna go after this new guy, huh?"

"I am."

"Good for you. This sounds like it could be fun." Ryuk floated in front of Near, who glanced up at him, looking disinterested. "One thing, though. Why didn't you burn my Note?"

"Having a Death Note around could prove useful. Especially – as happened – a new one arrived here."

"Yeah, yeah, I get that. So did you want to keep me around or something? Lonely?"

"You underestimate yourself, Ryuk. As you said earlier, you are a veritable mine of information on shinigami, the Death Notes, and Kira."

"I never said that..."

"You implied it. Forgive me for giving you more credit than you have, as yet, earned."

"Hyuk. I've earned it. The thing I don't get is...why did you keep them both?"

Near replaced the Death Note in the file.

"You never know what might come in handy."

-

Sayu's phone was ringing. Blearily, she opened her eyes, and fumbled around on her bedside cabinet. She answered it, and murmured, "Hello?"

"Hey, Sayu." It was Matsuda, sounding depressed, and tired. "I'm outside. Can I come in? I didn't want to knock to wake up your mother."

"And it's alright to wake me up?"

He laughed sheepishly, half-heartedly. "Sorry. I'll go...I just, um, it's about Misa..."

Sayu closed her eyes, feeling her heart sink. "I'll be right down." She closed her phone. It clicked gently.

Matsuda looked as run-down as he had sounded on the phone, and when Sayu opened the door to him, she was greeted by the sight of him hunched over and sorrowful.

"She tried to kill herself," he said.

"Come in. I'll get you a drink."

While the kettle boiled, and Sayu carefully went through the unpractised, near-forgotten motions of making coffee, Matsuda hovered by the microwave.

"She tried to overdose," he was saying, eyes fixed on a tile of the kitchen floor. "Sleeping pills, paracetemol...everything she could get her hands on. I went there because...well, if I'm honest, because it's Valentine's Day tomorrow and I thought she would be missing Light more than ever and –" He broke off, laughed dryly. "I was going over to make sure she didn't do anything to herself. And it turned out that's exactly what she was in the middle of...she didn't open the door. I got in pretty easy...stopped her before she did anything. It doesn't even count as attempted suicide because she only swallowed two pills. She was pretty sleepy, that's about it."

"Where is she now?" Sayu asked, pouring hot water.

"Um..."

"Matsuda?"

"She's...in my car. She's asleep. I...Sayu, is it okay if she stays here tonight? I just – I didn't think it would be appropriate to take her home with me, and I didn't want to wake anyone else up, and I thought maybe you might be able to..."

Sayu looked up. Matsuda was still focusing on the floor tile, and his cheeks were red. She handed him a mug of coffee.

"Of course." She put a hand on his arm, a little uncertain of how to comfort him, fighting down the feeling of desperation rising in her stomach.

"I think it's the new Kira," he murmured, avoiding her eyes.

Sayu felt a shiver run through her. She knew – no, she'd been told, one evening when Matsuda had had a few glasses of wine – that Kira had been defeated, not long after Light had died. But she'd never really been sure, never really been convinced...and now, it was either Kira coming back, and her brother and father dying for nothing, or a new Kira, and the whole damn thing being for nothing, because what was the point of fighting Kira if new ones just kept coming?

"Because Light was...well, because it was Kira who..." Matsuda waved a hand inefficaciously, still noticeably avoiding looking at her. Sayu ignored it.

"I know," she said. "She can stay here. We'll look after her, but on one condition."

"Huh?"

"I want you to stay here tonight too. You're not in any condition to be driving home, even if the roads are empty. And it'd be better if you were here – when she wakes up – to take care of things, and help explain to my mum..."

Matsuda swallowed, and nodded. "Okay then. I'll – um- wait, where will we both sleep?"

"Put Misa in my bed," Sayu told him, hand still resting on his arm. "I'll bring out some pillows and a blanket for the couch."

"What about you?"

"I'm going to stay up." She took a mouthful of her own coffee, savouring the simple warmth of it. "So when Misa wakes up I can explain why she's ended up here and what's going on. And make sure she doesn't..."

"I'll stay up too," Matsuda said immediately. "You shouldn't have to – I mean, I've just come here and dumped this on you, and you're still recovering, and – I know it was an awful thing to do, but I – I just couldn't think of anything else –"

He turned away from her, guilt-ridden and embarrassed. Sayu put down her coffee and stretched her arms around him in a hug.

"Don't worry," she whispered. "Just for tonight, don't worry. Tomorrow...tomorrow we'll work it all out." Sayu glanced up at the clock. "Well, later today. Happy Valentine's," she added, with a sad smile.

He laughed bitterly. "Happy Valentine's day, Sayu."

They were very close. Sayu rested her head against his shoulder, listening to his breath and his heartbeat.

"It'll be okay," she said, suddenly, irrationally.

"It probably won't."

"Yeah," she murmured, into Matsuda's shoulder and the cold darkness of the night. "It probably won't."

x

Note: And with that fluffy ending, it's back to me yapping.

So first off: the OCs. When I see OCs in a story my gut reaction is usually to avoid avoid avoid, so I understand if you're dropping this story here. But if you're staying, pick up your copy of the twelfth manga, if you have it, and flick on over to the back pages. See all those Kira supporters? See the double page spread? The guy looking sad with a big nose and a beard - that's who i'm basing Thomas off. And the girl with the candle who goes "Kira our saviour" - that there's my Mei. I assure you - their role in this story is purely plot based, and will diminish as soon as I get the real characters in there to take over from them. There will be no OC/character romances - this I promise you.

For me this chapter seems to twist and turn more than a twisty turny thing. I know where I'm going but I feel like I'm getting there in a roundabout and overly-sensational way. Still, this is, pretty much, my first attempt at DN plot beyond short short things - so I hope you enjoyed, and if you have a few moments spare, please let me know what you think.


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